What affected me the most was my psychological evaluation (one of those silly online personality tests :P). My results:
messy, depressed, introverted, feels invisible, does not make friends easily, nihilistic, reveals little about self, fragile, dark, bizarre, feels undesirable, dislikes leadership, reclusive, weird, irritable, frequently second guesses self, unassertive, unsympathetic, low self control, observer, worrying, phobic, suspicious, unproductive, avoidant, negative, bad at saving money, emotionally sensitive, does not like to stand out, dislikes large parties, submissive, daydreamer
I mean I initially couldn’t believe how much I have changed! Or perhaps now I am simply too proud to admit to any of these personality traits. I know when I was younger, I was proud of these results. I desperately wanted to prove how there was something wrong with me. Now I would hate to admit to my flaws. I have the tendency to get pissed whenever anyone refers to me as an introvert even though obviously I am! Not that there is anything wrong with being an introvert (extroverts tend to be annoying as fuck!), but I don’t want my worth to be sized up so easily. I would love for a personality test to describe me as simply amazing!
Unfortunately my past blog reminded me how little people give a fuck about your day or your personal thoughts because there is simply not enough time in the day! I thought I was hot shit (still do) and simply couldn't fathom why no one read my blog (exept a select few who wanted to hear their name mentioned). I still like to believe that one day someone will read my blog who doesn't simply just want to screw me (or fall in love for that matter-- even more meaningless to me at this point in time) even though these blogs tend to simply be a sad cry for friends.
I almost feel proud of myself for giving up on facebook because the internet is the worse place to find friends. It makes me feel too anomynous and worthless. I can't demand people's attention like I can do in real life. But I am enjoying the self indulgence. Here's some more self indulgence-- pictures from my middle school/early high school goth phase:
I was so brutal I ate flowers!
I was always a slut! Dahm! If only those boots didn't have leather in them! I would so still rock them!
depressed teenage-dom
I was seriously obsessed with this girl.
Fuck yeah!
Well you can only self indulge so much so konichiwa bitches!
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